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Even if I AM a loser, it's not nice to call me that!

So, it turns out that my life is not nearly as exciting as I had hoped. It must have just been me that I was fooling, since I am the only person that I have contact with on a regular basis. Today was extraordinary because I walked down the bank and changed my address. Yes, that is right. I left my apartment without the intention of buying something, and it became the highlight of my boring-ass existence.

Here are some recent observations for you.

It takes a group of about 20 16-year-olds to remind you that the name Harry Wong is, indeed a funny one. Somehow it had slipped through my conscious thought so long ago, that I was actually able to say it with a completely straight face. Damn maturity.

It is completely impossible for me to use the restroom in business without feeling obligated to browse, at least. I find that this is true even in gas stations.

Go in and tinkle. When you come out, I will be perusing their Snickers collection. If you squeeze out a growler, however, you will be damned if you are not buying something to eat. I think that should be some sort of unwritten law of convenience etiquette.

Men get embarrassed while shopping for some items. It is fact. They do not even have to be intimate items, but they do have to indicate a certain lifestyle or proclivity toward a lifestyle. I say, Men, go ahead and pick out that hand-painted, flowered serving platter with the matching serving thingy. You WILL be vindicated by the actions of the cashier. Before you even have to ask, she will already know you need a gift receipt. This will immediately grant you immunity from the humility of your friends. It is okay, really. We understand.

By virtue of my single living (read as lonely, boring life), I have been watching a bit more television lately. Why did inflation affect almost everything related to consumer buying? Or the down-turned economy? You can now buy just about anything without any credit or for no money down or for no interest until 2036, but you also cannot get it delivered before then. "Make sure to ask about our express, two-day delivery?" What the hell does that mean?

Let me get this straight. You can go into a store, look at a sofa, sit on the sofa, decide to purchase the sofa, sign up for financing for the sofa, pay a down payment for the sofa, and the soonest they will even attempt to put it in your home is TWO DAYS FROM NOW!?! So, they want your money in the worst way, but will only give you something in return when it fits their schedule. Thank you, furniture companies, for justifying my purchase of a pickup truck.

One more thing before I go. Where are all my 'Bill And Ted' fans out there? I was doing a recent sweep of some available websites, and I came upon one that blew me away. You should own this. And when you forge into the world of the masturbation superhighway, do not forget where that idea came from. Peace out.

Posted by dennis @ 06:10 AM | Comments (0)
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