I love my neice
December 26, 2003
I'm not above doing the feel-good stories to bring in the readers, so here goes.
I have a niece and I'm not a very good uncle. It's true. Honky Demmis (that's me) has only officially been an uncle for about 4 months now, but has managed to be involved in Annabella's life only a little. I felt a little guilty about taking a vacation to see the Minnesota family last week when I knew that all of those that wanted to see Annabella didn't have the means. I can see her almost any time I want, yet I took a cross-country trip and left her behind.
To make up for my discretions, I have decided to treat little Bel to a dream vacation. Annabella, are you ready to go?
First stop - Minnesota! This is where your dad and I grew up. Also, trivia for you - this is the state where your parents met. Most of your dad's family lives here, and boy, is it cold! Sometimes it gets so cold that people just freeze into a block of ice and don't thaw out until spring. This happened to someone I know, but he's okay now. Except he's afraid of the refrigerator. And mice, but I think that was from a childhood accident.
Next stop - Wrigley Field, Chicago. Not only are the Cubs a horrible team, but their field was built by the people that make gum for a living. Currently, they're cursed by a goat and missed their opportunity to make it to the World Series in 2003. Everyone else blames that on a man named Steve Bartmann, but it wasn't his fault. Chicago is even colder than Minnesota because it's right next to a big lake. The mob used to own a lot of Chi-town, and that's not changed in almost one hundred years. One hundred years ago, there wasn't even television, so you shouldn't trust the mafia.
Next on our agenda - The Parthenon in Greece. This old, broken building used to be pretty cool. It used to be a roller rink or something. This guy, Nero, was the emporer at the time and he hated everyone and their rollerskates (think rollerblades without all the wheels in a straight line). When the Parthenon caught on fire, he told the firefighters that his cat was stuck up a tree so they couldn't stop the city from burning down. And while he watched the whole country burn down, he just listened to Kenny G on his CD player. Now this "building" serves as a monument to rollerskates and ice cream - because everyone likes ice cream, too.
We're almost done - The Great Wall of China. You guessed it, this is in China. The Chinese built this wall, in like 1971, to keep the Canadians out. China is a really huge country with over a billion people and not a single Starbucks. And so the Canadians stormed the Great Wall right after it was built, but no one could jump over it, so everyone just went home. The Canadians were going to try again later, to storm China, but they got drunk and fell asleep. That's what happens when the legal drinking age is only 19!
Okay, last stop - the moon. It's kind of weird, the moon is the only moon in the solar system without another name. The moons of Mars are named Phobos and Deimos. There are two because the Martians really like to sleep. They get very tired from always flying to our planet and scaring all the people that live in trailer parks. Martians also like to steal socks, but they only do so one sock at a time. If you ever lose one sock, you'll know why you can't find it. There isn't any air in space where the moon is, so we had to take this picture quick while we were holding our breath. Your mom almost passed out because she thought we could still breath out our noses, but she was wrong. We got her a soda and she felt all right after that.
Well, I hope you enjoyed the trip. Maybe we can go to some of those places again when you're old enough to remember. If you ever have a question about anything, don't be afraid to ask!
Posted by dennis @ 11:25 PM